Continually coming to this feeling more often than not.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Friday, May 27, 2011
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Tears for Fears
Fuck.
Its amazing how time flies. Yes, its something we've heard over and over from many teachers, historians, and great grandparents. But... when you whole heartedly experience that feeling of loss and gain all at the same time. It makes your heart sink. Its not a negative feeling...Well, at least the one i'm experiencing now.
It was instigated by a proposal for KU's "new music" ensemble. I received an email this morning and saw that they were going to be auditioning for a performance for John Zorn's Cobra. It hit me with excitement because it was something that my friends used to perform annually when I was a starving artist in West Philly. It started with me searching for possible old videos of us performing it in YouTube. Instead, I found videos of people I used to rub elbows with/attend their concerts/be a part of their creative circle. Anyway, so as I'm reminiscing trying to snoop into the musicians of my past; I find a myspace page. Their streaming music player. Their first track. and this one....brought me waaaaaay back. Yep, In my mind I saw myself at 18, carrying my 4 octave kelon marimba through downtown Manhattan searching for The Stone (One of John Zorn's music venues for creative music). I used to have routine gigs in NYC with these musicians because I was the only improvising marimba player around, as well as the youngest. And to think, its been nearly 2 years since I've seen any creative music.
In no way is this post try to be chauvinistic. It just gets that I'm studying something that I love, but its purpose will eventually be serving something very very different. My teacher once said, "they don't teach music in music school. They teach the technique and discipline to develop it."
My goal is to be intimate in my music making.
buh.
Thursday, May 5, 2011
The Reform, Dream sequence.
With my mother, and another random boy whose younger, trying to meet up with another boy my age who knows about the "reform". When speaking of the reform, I'm referring to nothing media related to any advertised. Its something more of a spiritual reform, working its way through the inside out, the inside scenes, from inside our bodies. First, by changing the way we eat, then changing what we know about the world itself and how we function as a humanity. After meeting with this boy, nothing was really discissed we just had a sort of understanding (even though I wasn't sure exactly). We leave the house and it looks as if I'm walking down Baltimore Ave in West Philly. I stop into a shop and moments later am being harassed by a dykish lesbian couple. The owners of the store. They both proclaim: Here she Is! Ok, let me tell you whats up. One of the women pulls me outside and beings to explain as we stroll down Baltimore Ave. "Everyone knows about you, you're all over the internet, about the reform. You were a major spiritual leader 3 4 centuries ago, or was that civilizations? But during the last few past lives you have forgotten about it more and more until now you are just living you're mundane life like everyone else. You need to realize your potential and start guiding us through the Reform!"
... and then I woke up. Freaked out of my mind.
... and then I woke up. Freaked out of my mind.
Friday, February 18, 2011
A dark knight into a new day.
Orchestral Debut: Ben Britten's Young person's guide to the orchestra: Bass Drum!
Its been an interesting past few days preparing for this concert. We had a guest conductor from a university in Iowa... Drake? Drake University? to fill in for the event on account of our own maestro having to conduct the Sarasota Opera. Our program was filled with concerto winners of the sort. A Clarinet player doing Mozart A concerto up the butt, a pianist doing Saint Saens, a Euphonium player doing a Spanish gypsy inspired piece by (insert Spanish name here) Cosma, and a violinist playing Tchaikovsky which was reeeally beautiful, bee tee double you.
Anyway, my dark knight began hours before the concert as I was contemplating what it means to be a musician, work my butt off countless hours to prepare for a life of... yes please fill that in. I had a long discussion with my old mentor, Bill. His advice was very positive and made me feel somewhat better about the situation, but I still found myself wondering about the big picture.
Later that night, I'm backstage staring at the piano concerto soloist winner as she's about to go on-stage in her floor length deep purple dress and 6 inch high heels. Her hands were freezing and the look on her face was almost frightening. Again, I asked myself:
"In five minutes this will all be over, and people will clap and go home. Is this what being a performer is all about?"
I spent the rest of the evening contemplating the horrific question. Its the thing musicians fear asking if they ever decide to ask. Even during the beautiful Tchaik concerto, as I felt her expressing and soaking up the orchestra and projecting her soul.
Went out for a drink with my new buddy Carlos, a conducting DMA that began studying with our maestro in Jan. We talked about these things, but I still felt deeply punctured about it. I told him I'd probably wake up the next morning finding my answer and feeling great about life.
I woke up this morning, did my usual 6:30 am routine. Trekked on over to my worthless music theory class, and on the way my Ipod shuffled to an album I hadn't heard in a very long time.
It was music from Yemen, album entitled : The Music of Islam. and in that moment, I realized why I do it. It being music. I just fucking love how it brings people together. Always have, always will. and Ironically, I'm studying one of the only musics that constantly forgets that.
This art helps me realize my potential as a creative human being. I'm living in Kansas to exercise that ability and learn super expression techniques from the best. Ji Hye Jung.
Peace
Its been an interesting past few days preparing for this concert. We had a guest conductor from a university in Iowa... Drake? Drake University? to fill in for the event on account of our own maestro having to conduct the Sarasota Opera. Our program was filled with concerto winners of the sort. A Clarinet player doing Mozart A concerto up the butt, a pianist doing Saint Saens, a Euphonium player doing a Spanish gypsy inspired piece by (insert Spanish name here) Cosma, and a violinist playing Tchaikovsky which was reeeally beautiful, bee tee double you.
Anyway, my dark knight began hours before the concert as I was contemplating what it means to be a musician, work my butt off countless hours to prepare for a life of... yes please fill that in. I had a long discussion with my old mentor, Bill. His advice was very positive and made me feel somewhat better about the situation, but I still found myself wondering about the big picture.
Later that night, I'm backstage staring at the piano concerto soloist winner as she's about to go on-stage in her floor length deep purple dress and 6 inch high heels. Her hands were freezing and the look on her face was almost frightening. Again, I asked myself:
"In five minutes this will all be over, and people will clap and go home. Is this what being a performer is all about?"
I spent the rest of the evening contemplating the horrific question. Its the thing musicians fear asking if they ever decide to ask. Even during the beautiful Tchaik concerto, as I felt her expressing and soaking up the orchestra and projecting her soul.
Went out for a drink with my new buddy Carlos, a conducting DMA that began studying with our maestro in Jan. We talked about these things, but I still felt deeply punctured about it. I told him I'd probably wake up the next morning finding my answer and feeling great about life.
I woke up this morning, did my usual 6:30 am routine. Trekked on over to my worthless music theory class, and on the way my Ipod shuffled to an album I hadn't heard in a very long time.
It was music from Yemen, album entitled : The Music of Islam. and in that moment, I realized why I do it. It being music. I just fucking love how it brings people together. Always have, always will. and Ironically, I'm studying one of the only musics that constantly forgets that.
This art helps me realize my potential as a creative human being. I'm living in Kansas to exercise that ability and learn super expression techniques from the best. Ji Hye Jung.
Peace
Monday, January 31, 2011
With youth comes ambition...
Damn. I used to be so much more ambitious when I was younger.
(Currently at my apartment listening to the recordings of "Jealously")
In 2006? I discovered a bunch of music in my grandfather basement as we were in the process of moving him and my grandmother into an assisted living facility. My grandpa was a serious musician/artists/photographer...etc. Well, really a serious musician. Jazz Musician. Trumpet.
My mother also had a strong sensitivity to music, but never had the opportunity to develop it on an instrument. She channeled it in other ways; Record collecting, DJing, dating rock stars, being a talented hairstylist (if that counts as artistic).
Anyway...so I found this music, right?
Most of the collection consisted of jazz lead sheets, and a few notebooks, but between the sheets (hehe) I found a folder with a handwritten eulogy of sorts. Saying something like.."I wrote this piece in 1941 for my brother, Buddy's big band...etc" He was Nineteen years old...Yeah, and I was also nineteen at the time. IT was calling me. Oh yes.
Out of curiosity, I assembled a small group of friends amongst the scene in which to play and record this little ditty...Afterwards, Id give it to him as a gift...a token my love. Oh yes.
Never having recorded or produced anything in a studio; I had every damn musician by the balls, doing what I wanted, recording how sought acceptable, and in the end they were all paid very well. It came out great, and the ol' goat nearly cried his eyes out after hearing three seconds of the piece. I later found out the song was never recorded or performed. It was a project in which he spent countless hours on, and received hardly any feedback. I mean....the parts were hand written for 11 musicians! His handwriting was beautiful. Amazing.
I don't know... I guess I'm just remembering what my life was like before I went from Gypsy queen to classical musician. I was involved in so many projects, local musicians, studying music from all parts of the world, and doing it with tremendously awesome, talented people. It was a fun time in that ol' West Philadelphia.
Ok, Now I'm gonna just write a list. For my Psychological, organizational, existential mirror sort of reasons of what I came from and how I've evolved through my musical groups and experiences. Starting with my first real marimba gigs.
-Studied Jazz Vibes with Tony Miceli in HS
-Went to hairdressing school
-Playing with semi famous Canadian bands: DoMakeSayThink/Broken Social Scene/ Feist
-Recording marimba with local bands who wanted marimba
-First Improvisational gig offered because they lacked musicians for a performance with Neil Feather of Baltimore, MD. Blew my mind, but wouldn't say it was my best performance
-Moved to West Philadelphia at 19 years old. Worked at local hair salons and took classes at a local community college.
-Continued playing with improvisers in Philly/NYC Really got into the scene. "New Music". Performed at The Stone in NYC a few times with NYC composer Matthew Welch (a prodigy of Anthony Braxton)
- Wrote and performed my first string quartet based on pygmy music of Central Africa. Performed In Philly/NYC (the stone)
- Began studying Ewe drumming weekly and intensively for almost three years
- Continued improvising, but later took lessons with Khan Jamal in Germantown, where I studied "free jazz" in the most ghetto part of G-town. What a character!
- Began playing filling in for Gregg Mervine's West Philadelphia Orchestra, where I learned how to play Balkan music. It was a Balkan/Gypsy inspired brass band. Played snare and tapan.
-Also played Bahian Brazilian folk songs with similar members in The Old Goats. Learned how to play pandeiro, and other various brazilian percussion instruments.
- Began taking lessons with a friend at The Curtis Institute of Music with a student named Patricia Franceshy in order to fulfill my community college "music lesson" requirement, she then suggested I audition to music schools that she recommended.
- I did, and didn't get into the school we originally wanted, but was accepted at Temple University with a little scholarship. For some reason, I didn't accept.
- Began talking to my ex-boyfriend's college mentor in Columbus, Ohio. He convinced me to fly out for a lesson in which I did. He didn't play percussion, but had played Oboe and had graduated from Curtis in 1956. Was a great lesson. He then tried to persuade me to move to Iowa to study and continue a relationship with one of his students. I declined, and eventually moved to Columbus, where I stayed for one year and studied Marimba, Philosophy, Visual Art, and Poetry as a "live in" student.
-After finagling an audition at The University of Miami, with Svet Stoyanov, he recommended I study the rest of the percussion instruments with his friend in Cleveland, Ohio. Which I did for 6 months. Through him, I met and played for Ji Hye Jung, who had recently accepted a job at the University of Kansas. She invited me to come study with her there.
-In Aug of 2010, I moved to Lawrence, KS.
...And That is where I reside today.
(Currently at my apartment listening to the recordings of "Jealously")
In 2006? I discovered a bunch of music in my grandfather basement as we were in the process of moving him and my grandmother into an assisted living facility. My grandpa was a serious musician/artists/photographer...etc. Well, really a serious musician. Jazz Musician. Trumpet.
My mother also had a strong sensitivity to music, but never had the opportunity to develop it on an instrument. She channeled it in other ways; Record collecting, DJing, dating rock stars, being a talented hairstylist (if that counts as artistic).
Anyway...so I found this music, right?
Most of the collection consisted of jazz lead sheets, and a few notebooks, but between the sheets (hehe) I found a folder with a handwritten eulogy of sorts. Saying something like.."I wrote this piece in 1941 for my brother, Buddy's big band...etc" He was Nineteen years old...Yeah, and I was also nineteen at the time. IT was calling me. Oh yes.
Out of curiosity, I assembled a small group of friends amongst the scene in which to play and record this little ditty...Afterwards, Id give it to him as a gift...a token my love. Oh yes.
Never having recorded or produced anything in a studio; I had every damn musician by the balls, doing what I wanted, recording how sought acceptable, and in the end they were all paid very well. It came out great, and the ol' goat nearly cried his eyes out after hearing three seconds of the piece. I later found out the song was never recorded or performed. It was a project in which he spent countless hours on, and received hardly any feedback. I mean....the parts were hand written for 11 musicians! His handwriting was beautiful. Amazing.
I don't know... I guess I'm just remembering what my life was like before I went from Gypsy queen to classical musician. I was involved in so many projects, local musicians, studying music from all parts of the world, and doing it with tremendously awesome, talented people. It was a fun time in that ol' West Philadelphia.
Ok, Now I'm gonna just write a list. For my Psychological, organizational, existential mirror sort of reasons of what I came from and how I've evolved through my musical groups and experiences. Starting with my first real marimba gigs.
-Studied Jazz Vibes with Tony Miceli in HS
-Went to hairdressing school
-Playing with semi famous Canadian bands: DoMakeSayThink/Broken Social Scene/ Feist
-Recording marimba with local bands who wanted marimba
-First Improvisational gig offered because they lacked musicians for a performance with Neil Feather of Baltimore, MD. Blew my mind, but wouldn't say it was my best performance
-Moved to West Philadelphia at 19 years old. Worked at local hair salons and took classes at a local community college.
-Continued playing with improvisers in Philly/NYC Really got into the scene. "New Music". Performed at The Stone in NYC a few times with NYC composer Matthew Welch (a prodigy of Anthony Braxton)
- Wrote and performed my first string quartet based on pygmy music of Central Africa. Performed In Philly/NYC (the stone)
- Began studying Ewe drumming weekly and intensively for almost three years
- Continued improvising, but later took lessons with Khan Jamal in Germantown, where I studied "free jazz" in the most ghetto part of G-town. What a character!
- Began playing filling in for Gregg Mervine's West Philadelphia Orchestra, where I learned how to play Balkan music. It was a Balkan/Gypsy inspired brass band. Played snare and tapan.
-Also played Bahian Brazilian folk songs with similar members in The Old Goats. Learned how to play pandeiro, and other various brazilian percussion instruments.
- Began taking lessons with a friend at The Curtis Institute of Music with a student named Patricia Franceshy in order to fulfill my community college "music lesson" requirement, she then suggested I audition to music schools that she recommended.
- I did, and didn't get into the school we originally wanted, but was accepted at Temple University with a little scholarship. For some reason, I didn't accept.
- Began talking to my ex-boyfriend's college mentor in Columbus, Ohio. He convinced me to fly out for a lesson in which I did. He didn't play percussion, but had played Oboe and had graduated from Curtis in 1956. Was a great lesson. He then tried to persuade me to move to Iowa to study and continue a relationship with one of his students. I declined, and eventually moved to Columbus, where I stayed for one year and studied Marimba, Philosophy, Visual Art, and Poetry as a "live in" student.
-After finagling an audition at The University of Miami, with Svet Stoyanov, he recommended I study the rest of the percussion instruments with his friend in Cleveland, Ohio. Which I did for 6 months. Through him, I met and played for Ji Hye Jung, who had recently accepted a job at the University of Kansas. She invited me to come study with her there.
-In Aug of 2010, I moved to Lawrence, KS.
...And That is where I reside today.
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Living in Kansas and Starting Over
Well. Gee. Its been awhile, how the hell are ya?
My first semester at the University of Kansas has ended with the next one starting up in two days.
Well. It was amazing and extremely difficult in all sorts of ways and demons. The initial bug up my ass was the fact that I had to re-take my State Board exams--which translates to a practical cosmetology exam--which translates to "shit, I haven't taken that in over five years"! A few days before the exam my apartment was infested with bugs that bit me, in my bed, in my sleep, but later checked out as Springwigs? Whatever...After three sleepless nights I decided to move into a recent acquaintance's apartment the night before the exam. His name was Cheng. We spent that entire evening reviewing materials and gluing nails on a plastic mannequin.
Nonetheless, I failed the exam by one point. A point having to do with the improper display of a band aid application to a mannequin's forehead.
Lost my job, my clients and waited almost two full months until I was able to return to work. Legally
In the meantime, I unleashed the business cards my mother had printed for me and advertised haircuts as "house calls". Don't worry, It was G rated, thanks.
.... all while maintaining a full load of classes, and strict practicing regimen.
It was a good experience overall. Especially working with Ji Hye in lessons and percussion ensemble. It's really a blessing to be learning from her, as it keeps me focused on the future.
There was so much more that happened, studio-family relationships, being on my own for the first time, maintaining sanity in the Midwest, and getting all As and one B this semester! YEAH! Almost Aced it!
Chinese got better daily with a little help from my friends. Met some interesting people and made new friends. Its all good.
I'm exhausted right now, and didn't even feel like writing about all this, but I felt that I couldn't mention any current emotions without mentioning the big move.
So I'm here. Alive, and ticking.
My first semester at the University of Kansas has ended with the next one starting up in two days.
Well. It was amazing and extremely difficult in all sorts of ways and demons. The initial bug up my ass was the fact that I had to re-take my State Board exams--which translates to a practical cosmetology exam--which translates to "shit, I haven't taken that in over five years"! A few days before the exam my apartment was infested with bugs that bit me, in my bed, in my sleep, but later checked out as Springwigs? Whatever...After three sleepless nights I decided to move into a recent acquaintance's apartment the night before the exam. His name was Cheng. We spent that entire evening reviewing materials and gluing nails on a plastic mannequin.
Nonetheless, I failed the exam by one point. A point having to do with the improper display of a band aid application to a mannequin's forehead.
Lost my job, my clients and waited almost two full months until I was able to return to work. Legally
In the meantime, I unleashed the business cards my mother had printed for me and advertised haircuts as "house calls". Don't worry, It was G rated, thanks.
.... all while maintaining a full load of classes, and strict practicing regimen.
It was a good experience overall. Especially working with Ji Hye in lessons and percussion ensemble. It's really a blessing to be learning from her, as it keeps me focused on the future.
There was so much more that happened, studio-family relationships, being on my own for the first time, maintaining sanity in the Midwest, and getting all As and one B this semester! YEAH! Almost Aced it!
Chinese got better daily with a little help from my friends. Met some interesting people and made new friends. Its all good.
I'm exhausted right now, and didn't even feel like writing about all this, but I felt that I couldn't mention any current emotions without mentioning the big move.
So I'm here. Alive, and ticking.
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